Choices

I am 20 years old. I am currently about 2 semesters away from getting my degree. I am 2 weeks away from the end of this semester. I am in the midst of making big choices.

Here is the thing, when I think about life paths I should be taking right now...I feel at peace with a lot of possibilities. I feel as though people will be guided in and out of life like a divine "breath of fresh air"  regardless of where or what I am. But here is the other thing, I want so desperately to do what is RIGHT. And I want my God to know how deeply I feel this desire, I want Him to know how it grips me from the very top of my brain to the very edges of my tippy-toes. But I want that RIGHT thing to just hit me like a light, so everything is perfectly bright and clear what I am suppose to do RIGHT now.

Its hard. Its hard to find the very perfectly RIGHT in a world full of, "Well this is a good thing too, you have lots of good choices." 

At my very core, I guess I just want Him to know how would do anything He required of me in this life. I wander sometimes, if that is all He needs. But I also want my children and grandchildren to understand it too. I want to look back on my life and say it was pretty and unique and most importantly, RIGHT.  

Sometimes I think that we do "live as leaves; delicate and lovely paper things" willing ourselves to be blown away in any great gust. 

I guess it takes time to feel the RIGHT wind, and when it comes, to let ourselves get taken up in its flurry. I just want to find that breeze, there are a lot choices you know. 

What is wintumn?

Last weekend, we experienced a season know as Wintumn- aka autumn mixed with winter. Provo was on it closing leg of autumn when all of the sudden, A GIANT SNOW STORM CAME. I am trying to not be dramatic here, but it snowed so much. It started to snow friday morning and did not let up until saturday day really. But it was so beautiful, the white snow was so soft and made looking around outside like you were holding up a piece of perfectly, white lace to your eyes, and then seeing the world around you. The snow dizzily blew around and quietly piled-up on cars, trees, and sidewalks.

It was the perfect weather for Emily and I's concert we held at the Lion House last friday night. We called it "Cider for your Soul" and had our friends play acoustic music while other friends passed the snowy night in the company of good tunes and warm juice. AND Em-bot and I debuted our new folksy-singin duo, "Feline Fine"...merry meow!

Then the next day, after all our wintumn singing. We went out to explore our newly coated Provo, and it did not let us down. Snow mixed with fiery, autumn, leaves...I love trees, but fall trees with fresh snow...I am obsessed.

So, Happy Wintumn all.

November

Thanksgiving is becoming more and more each year my favorite holiday. I remember when I was little not thinking too much about Thanksgiving, I just thought of it as a speed-bump on my way to Christmas...let's be real. But I am so delighted that Thanksgiving is becoming my favorite holiday more and more. Since I have moved away from home, I realized how important gratitude is. It is an attribute that no matter what point you are at in your life, it makes you feel better, lighter and happier. I have found that in times of trouble or stress or even happiness, listing the things I am grateful for, only makes me feel better. And I am not going to lie to you all when I say I love feeling grateful, and I am fully accepting of how sappy that is. Thanksgiving is awesome, it just incorporates everything I love in life: family, gratitude, home, food, fall and just love of life.

So right now I am grateful for:
-My really awesome campus and for my education opportunities (and my new jean jacket)
-My parents who I love so much, I seriously think they are the coolest peeps around and I am not embarrassed at all about it.
-My little brother's mustache, and all it's glory.

This must be the place

It's been some time. In that time my sister was married and I continue to slowly be slaughtered by my classes. Actually, ok, slaughtered is a tad dramatic. But, school is rough.

I recently, as in Friday decided that I really need to get in order and start giving life and college 110% of my energy. So I went to Barnes and Noble and bought a planner. Once I started filling this planner out, I realized how much I have left on my plate this semester...yikes.

But filling out this planner also helped me to see how much I miss doing things I love. I need to make more time for them. I miss sketching and painting, I miss crocheting and playing the guitar. I miss reading the most. If anyone has a good book they have recently read, let me know.

So this is my solemn promise to my self. That no matter where I am in life, no matter where I live or what is making me feel "super busy", I promise to make it The Place. The place where I am first and foremost myself and making time to do things I love.

I started today by laying under a shedding tree, listening to my tunes and thinking about how wonderful Fall is.

Fall Breakers

I really love autumn in Provo. I love walking to campus with a chilled nose and my tunes plugged in. Sometimes I just walk with my head tilted up watching the papery, golden, leaves flutter down around me in their weird zig-zagging descent. I am sure it just makes people think I have no social skills with my face tilted up in the sky, but I don't have very many social skills...so I guess it's fine. And if they only questioned my weirdness, I guess this confirms it. Happy Autumn!

Some food for thought

People like her, this is why I know The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints is true. We have the ability to become wonderful people; and even when the world seems to have lost any goodness, or mercy, kindness, I am reminded of people like Cecile. She is a tangible, real and indisputable manifestation of love. It is a kind of love that is contagious and spreads like warm sunlight everywhere, it is the kind of love only the Savior can give.

I have not been one to publicly preach, or even be very open with my religious views because I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or politically strained. But, I feel so strongly that my religion, is not about pointing out the flaws in other people, or what they need to change. Rather, my religion is about finding solitude when peace feels so obsolete. My religion is about searching for light and beauty where pessimism rules supreme. My religion is about teaching me how to gain pure, unadulterated love even with all my faults and doubts.

I want people to know, that even when I am not vocalizing it, I know that God exists. I know He is kind, and good, and loving. I know that even when I feel completely isolated and downtrodden by the condition of some of my fellow men on this earth- He will heal my heart, and He will heal theirs too. I love this little piece of truth that God had allowed me to keep bound in my heart, and I cling to it with all that I have.

Marriage Prep

So Emily and I had to fill 3 credit hours this Fall, and instead of taking a class where we have to actually compute information...we took Marriage Prep. Well, there are a LOT of things going on in that class. Mostly me sitting there wishing I had gone to the vending machines before the class started... But we are learning some cool things: like don't compete, and Men and Women are from Kolob- NOT Mars and Venus and stuff like that. Marriage Prep has mostly just made me keenly aware of how different the average "married" BYU student is from myself...take that as you will...

Being back in Utah has meant doing Utah stuff. Like going to Sundance and singing James Taylor on the lifts and sucking on honey sticks. Going to the Utah State Fair and eating off everyone's food and checking out the wholesale hot tubs. Hanging with my little, very adorable, very big cousin Josh; going to regional conference on campus then hanging in the MOA art garden. And FINALY, throwing my sister her bridal shower at my new house. It turned out really well.

I am back in Utah.

Its been a while, AGAIN. Looks like I am one of those "sporadic"types. Ooof. Well I loved my end of summer. Emily came down to visit, and we did many things: mostly just logged about. But now I am two weeks into school at PROZOVO. Yeeeah. Its cool I guess. I am just cooking along here at my new  house. I broke it in by placing 3 friendly gnomes in our front window. Sooo that will probably keep the Fellas coming! Here is a photo montage of my life these past 4 weeks, ENJOY:

One day, I woke up with one sock on, it was weird cause  I don't even remember putting on the sock...

I take REALLY great photos

Here's a little "funny" for you, I am sure many of you take some photos you would rather just throw away. Many of you, I am sure, purposefully take goofy pictures of yourself for the sake of comedy. But here's the thing with me, I take really awkward pictures just being myself. In other words, the photos I am about to display are living proof of my ability to look like a human-turtle, or a completely strung-out loser, or just really uncomfortable. Overall, this is for all you weirdos* out there who can't seem to function as a real human being (*me).

To my soul-sistas and soul-brothas:

I forgot I go to school

So, I have a week left before I head back up to P-town. And I feel like I am stuck in limbo land of doing absolutely nothing and feeling antsy to have a life again. I am not going to lie, having this month of hiatus after Europe was a dream come true, but I woke up this morning and realized: I forgot I go to school. Do I even remember how to write a paper? Do I remember how to take an exam? Its been almost 4 months and MAN, I am rusty. So yeah, I guess I should try and remember how I go to school.

I think it goes something like this.....

Happy World Cat Day

Its reallllly hot down here this week. I have been spending the majority of my times eating otter pops and trying to cool down in dark corners of my house. I finally was able to convince my mom to turn on the air conditioning yesterday...lets just say everyone in the Heathcote house suddenly got to be in a better mood.

Some really awesome things have been happening too:

-I am training for a half-marathon in the fall. (guys, this is a big deal because I DO NOT run.)
-My sister's wedding-planning has been coming along splendidly
-I found this new shaved ice place called Mochilato that is making me feel 120% better about my position in life.
-I found out today that I got a JOB on BYU CAMPUS! This is a "Christmas miracle", truly, and now I will be a TA for an art history class starting this fall. I am feeling really great about this.
-Lastly, It's World Cat Day. What more could a person ask for in life????? Seriously.